“Sir, as requested, the next galaxies in our list to be conquered and dominated are Sagittarius, Andromeda, Milky Way, and Tucana, but if you allow me, I don’t think we should be messing with the Milky Way, that galaxy belongs to the human race and they’re completely and absolutely insane”
This prompt was found on the subreddit r/writing prompts here: https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/gjxmc4/wp_sir_as_requested_the_next_galaxies_in_our_list/
Ynon turned around in his chair and gave his assistant a confused look.
The assistant, Lutresh, looked down at their transparent screen, then back at Ynon. The light from the screen made their sharp, pointed face look even more so.
“Well that’s what the notes say!” they insisted, “Don’t blame me if the viewing probe brought back data you didn’t want to hear.”
Ynon scratched one of the large, curved horns on his head in annoyance. He sighed.
“Read the notes to me, it can’t be that bad,” he said.
Lutresh began to pace back and forth as they read the notes.
“The Human homeworld of Earth is populated by approximately ten billion people –“
“Skip the preliminaries, just tell me what they do that’s so ‘insane’,” said Ynon.
Lutresh nodded.
“Ah, right-“
They scanned down the notes quickly, then found an entry of note.
“Entertainment for Humans includes: vast concrete parks with what appear to be carts on mechanical tracks; the probe classified these as death-traps. Visual probe also noted that their screams could be heard from outside the area, yet they seemed to be taking their young to such places in large numbers.”
They paused and glanced at Ynon, who seemed even more confused.
“The probe also observed a variety of this park that featured large quantities of water; the probe noted that this put many of the Humans at risk for spreading disease, yet again, it observed the young being taken there. Humans were also seen jumping from aircrafts, only to produce a safety device at the last moment –“
“What!?” said Ynon.
“This also appeared to be for fun,” Lutresh finished.
“What else is there?”
“Humans were also observed to be fond of listening to sound waves at certain frequencies; visual probe noted that they called this ‘music’,” said Lutresh.
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” said Ynon.
“The probe brought back a recorded sample.”
“Can I hear it?”
Lutresh gave him a worried look, but tapped the command on the screen all the same. From the crystal-clear speakers of the device came the sound of bagpipes.
Instantly, Ynon recoiled at the sound. He gripped his large, pointed ears and folded them down in an attempt to block out the sound.
“Turn it off, turn it off!” he begged.
“Yes sir, turning it off,” Lutresh said as he winced in pain.
The bagpipes ceased, and Ynon breathed a sigh of relief.
He leaned forward in his chair.
“Any species that could listen to that,” he said as he pointed at the screen, “or, or, jump from aircrafts, or ride on death-traps for fun-“
He shook his head.
“For once you are very right, Lutresh,” he said, “like Hyldel we’re going to the Milky Way!”
Lutresh nodded and tapped on the screen at a rapid pace.
“Yes sir, preparing to make the official command now,” they said.
“Good!” said Ynon.
He turned back around and looked into the vastness of space laid out before them. In the distance he saw a splash of color that he’d been told was the Milky Way. He shook his head.
“I tell you, Lutresh, it’s a wonder we even bother sending probes anymore.”
He pressed a button on his control panel, and into his ears, a series of long tones played. He tapped his foot to the rhythm; had there been any humans present, it would have sounded very much like a fire alarm.
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